The Sweat of a Gladiator
Chapter 3: Triple Pure
By canoncansodoff
Not my characters, no money being made, etc., etc.
The magical wards that protected Hogwarts Castle made a portkey departure much easier than a return. Since there had been other times when the Headmistress needed Harry in her office while he wasn't near a floo location, the quickest and safest means of travel had therefore been thought out in advance.
Harry and Luna appeared directly in front of the closed gates of Hogwarts with a small pop. He immediately drew out his wand, summoned a miniaturized Firebolt that was hidden within the landscaping in front of the walls, and enlarged it to normal size.
“Bugger,” Harry said, after a second summoning spell came up empty. “Somebody forgot to put the other two back.” He mounted the broom, turned towards Luna, and said, “Sorry, but you'll have to ride double with me.”
Luna smiled as she swung her leg over the broomstick in front of him. When Harry reached around to grab the broomstick with both hands he was forced to wrap Luna in a tight embrace. She leaned her head back against Harry's shoulder, ground her bum back into Harry's crotch, and purred, “That's okay, I don't mind at all.”
“Minx,” Harry scolded with a smile. He then kicked off the ground and flew straight towards the unwarded window of the Headmistress's office.
They found her alone with her thoughts. Sitting on her desk was a gold collection blade and two dozen empty vials. Next to the blade was a small stone disk that had a centered circular indentation. After welcoming them back, the Headmistress took the consent form from Harry and informed the two that the hag was presently in the infirmary with Madame Pomfrey. She then showed how the sweat collection system worked.
It wasn't all that different from what they used in herbology, so it didn't take long for either to catch on. The collection blade was actually more like a flattened funnel that was open on one side. The dull edge of the funnel served as the blade; when it was scraped against the skin any sweat collected up onto the blade would fall down into the funnel spout. Each of sample vials, which attached to the base of the spout with a sticking charm, had an invisible one-way cap; fluid could be drawn in, but couldn't spill back out, even if the vial were held upside down.
Harry asked about the stone disk and was told that it was a calibration device of sorts. When a fluid-filled vial was set into the indentation and the right charm applied, the disk would evaluate the strength of the fluid and replace the magical cap with a solid one, with the measured result inscribed on the top. The Headmistress said that the disk could also be used to identify potions, and that Poppy had used it to confirm that the hag's antidote was indeed what Ron needed.
The Headmistress suggested that Luna might want to practice collecting some “normal” sweat while they waited for Hermione. When Harry indicated that he wasn't sweating at the moment, the Headmistress told him to work up a sweat. He blushed as he stole a glance at Luna and asked how exactly the Headmistress wanted him fulfill that request. McGonagall smiled at Harry's question, and gave him a choice: calisthenics inside of her office, or flying down over the Quidditch pitch.
The back of Harry's Firebolt cleared the windowsill in a flash.
Luna informed the Headmistress that they wanted to ask Susan Bones to be their back-up virgin, and suggested that if she agreed she should practice sweat collection as well. Shaking her head in resignation, McGonagall wrote out a quick note requesting Susan's presence in her office and gave it to Luna, with word that Susan was currently in class with Professor Flitwick. When Luna left, the Headmistress was once again alone with her thoughts.
They were a little more randy than those previous.
Luna only needed a few minutes time to run down to the Charms classroom and return with Susan. Luna had already told the Hufflepuff an abridged version of the past hour's events, and Susan had no problems at all volunteering for anything and everything Harry wanted her to do “for Ron and for the defeat of Voldemort.”
The flush in Susan's face and the hardening of her nipples when she professed her dedication to Harry's cause didn't escape the Headmistress's notice. Susan's complexion grew ruddier and points even perkier when the Headmistress then asked if she was a virgin. After a few moments time spent explicitly clarifying terms, a chagrined Headmistress admitted that she could not respond to all of the hypotheticals with any degree of assurance. It took a betrothal spell to provide a definitive answer (producting a halo that was intact, albeit markedly less lustrous than either Luna's or Hermione's).
Harry flew back through the window too late to hear Susan ask (hypothetically, of course) if a girl would still be a virgin if a female roommate enlarged her own tongue and used it as a penile substitute. He had put the Firebolt through its paces, and was breathing heavily. Now that there wasn't any wind to wick away his perspiration, sweat was starting to bead up on his face and neck. He was pleased that Susan was willing to help out as needed, and also thought it a good idea for her to practice sweat collection.
Harry was still panting a bit as he stripped off his shirt and undershirt to expose some practice skin. The two teens were panting a bit as well when his actions revealed a solidly muscular torso and well-defined pecs, built after a summer's worth of exercises and nutritional supplements. Luna immediately attached one of the bottles to the collection blade and started to scrape up Harry's arms and down his back. When Susan pouted and asked when it would be her turn, something clicked in Harry's mind and he asked the Headmistress if there were any restrictions on the number of virginal sweat collectors. McGonagall thought for a moment then said she couldn't think of any, but that they only had one collection device.
Harry reached into his trouser pocket and retrieved his wand and a gold galleon. It took two tries for him to transfigure the coin into a second sweat collector (his first incantation was interrupted when Luna scraped over a ticklish area).
“Very impressive transfiguration skills, Harry,” Susan replied, as she added a vial to the base of the new collector and put it to use. “The goblins put some serious protections onto their currency.”
“Wasn't that hard,” Harry responded. “They're interested in keeping wizards from transfiguring gold objects into galleons, and not the other way around.”
Luna had completely filled a vial, and was swapping it out for a second when she said, “Looking pretty dry up top, Harry…think you'll have to show a little more skin.”
Harry hesitated until he noticed that the Headmistress had decided to take a second look at the contract parchment, then let out a sigh of resignation as he undid his belt and let his trousers drop to his ankles. Susan and Luna actually squealed a bit in delight as they started to run their blades up and down Harry's muscular calves and thighs.
“Take care how high you scrape, girls,” the Headmistress admonished, as she snuck a quick peek at the process. “Wouldn't want any other fluids escaping Mr. Potter just yet.”
By the time that Harry had cooled down, the two teen-aged witches had managed to fill three containers. Satisfied with their collection skills, the Headmistress had Harry get dressed and reviewed contract terms with him until Madame Pomfrey and the hag returned to the office.
“Good news,” Madame Pomfrey said, when the two finally returned. “The hag helped me put a stasis spell on Ron that buys us a little more time.” She turned to Harry and said, “You now have until 12:45, Mr. Potter.”
Harry looked down at the Muggle watch Hermione had given him for his seventeenth birthday and noted, “That's ninety minutes…good, I was starting to worry about Hermione's return.”
“Putting your time to good use, though, I see,” the hag said as she walked over to the desk and looked closely at the three vials. “Fresh sweat, Mr. Potter?” When Harry nodded, she took one of the vials, placed it on the stone disk, and cast a spell over the top. The vial was enveloped in a gold globe, which dissipated a few seconds later to reveal a new shiny brass cap on top of the bottle. The hag picked up the vial, read the engraved inscription on the cap, then looked at Harry with a bit of confusion.
“Who were you doing when this was sweat was generated?”
Harry shrugged his shoulders. “I was flying on my Firebolt.”
“No, not what you were doing, who were you doing? You must have been shagging someone.”
When Harry restated that he had been riding a broom, rather than a witch, the hag scoffed. “Not possible, must be a mistake.” She then tested the strength of the other two vials of sweat, scowling just as much when she read the inscriptions on their caps.
Meanwhile, Madame Pomfrey examined the first capped vial, looked up at Harry, then smiled in realization.
“Harry,” she asked, “were you dueling when this sweat was collected?” When Harry said again that he had only been flying she stated, “And you're still a virgin, right?”
That question piqued the hag's interest. When Harry confirmed that conclusion (with no small amount of embarrassment), the Hogwarts nurse smiled in amazement at the hag. “Ten points were added for the gladiator's purity, and just think if he'd being fighting or shagging instead of flying.” As Harry asked for an explanation, Poppy showed the vial to Headmistress McGonagall. After drawing in a sharp breath, she said, “Harry, it was true when I said that there are four grades of sweat. But there are also variations within grades that take into account the physical and magical strength of the warrior and what he was doing when the sweat was generated.”
“Base score is ten points per grade, with up to nine bonus points per level” added Poppy. “Since you weren't having sex, the highest score your sweat should have gotten was around a 15.”
The hag nodded in agreement “Ten for the virgin collection process, and five for being one of the strongest warrior wizards in the world…if you had been actually fighting with sword or spells it could have gone as high as 19.”
“Well, what did Harry's sweat score?” Susan asked.
“Twenty-five points,” replied the Headmistress, confirming that the same score was listed on all three bottle caps.
“So Harry's sweat scores higher because he's a virgin.”
The hag nodded in agreement. “One time event, obviously, but if a virgin gladiator deflowers a virgin while a virgin collects his sweat the maximum score would be…Merlin, it'd be fifty-five! I've never seen sweat grade higher than forty-two.”
“Is the difference that great?” Harry asked.
Madame Pomfrey nodded. “the difference is non-linear. A score of 40 is one-hundred times better than a score of 30.”
Headmistress McGonagall looked down at the parchment in front of her. “The contract specifies a minimum grade of 44…double pure sweat from a very strong wizard.”
“So that means Harry doesn't have to deflower a virgin to hit the minimum score?” asked Luna.
“Or does it mean that we'll have better bargaining power with the world's most powerful sweat?” He turned to Madame Pomfrey. “I know that with all of the hoarding going on that your potion stocks are running low these days, right?”
The Hogwarts nurse nodded. “Almost out of Skele-Grow.”
Harry turned to the hag. “Looks like it will be pretty easy for me to give you a 44, as specified in our binding contract. But what would it be worth to have a sample a hundred times more potent?”
As the hag silently tried to place a value on such a rare commodity Harry suggested that Poppy start making out a wish list and negotiate the best deal possible while he was out of the office. Meanwhile, Susan was still working out the processes in her head. “Excuse me,” she asked, “but what happens to the sweat already on Harry's skin if he changes activities, or if he switches off from a virgin partner to a non-virgin?”
“What do you mean?” McGonagall asked.
Susan clarifed her question. “If Harry worked up a sweat by riding a broom, then started shagging, would the sweat on his skin immediately after penetration be scored as `broom sweat' or `shag sweat'?”
Madame Pomfrey replied that it was whatever activity caused the sweat to break the skin surface that influenced the score, and that a blend of sweat would tend to produce an averaged score.
Luna nodded her understanding, and got confirmation that sweat produced during wizard duels and magical spell fights was only slightly less potent than the sweat generated by sex.
“Well then,” Luna replied, “guess we now know how Susan and I can get Harry ready while we wait for Hermione's arrival.” She then requested permission to start a new student organization. When the Headmistress asked what type of group she had in mind, Luna grabbed Harry and Susan's hand and smiled.
“Why, a Co-Ed Naked Dueling Club, of course.”
The Headmistress's face turned a shade of red Harry had last seen under his Uncle's collar. “Miss Lovegood, I hope that you aren't serious,” she flustered. “I also expect you to explain yourself.”
“Certainly,” Luna said matter-of-factly. She looked around the office and furrowed her eyebrow. “This might take a few minutes, maybe there's someplace we could sit?”
The Headmistress waved her wand and five chairs were conjured around her desk. They only needed three, however, as Luna chose to think out her comments while pacing, and Susan chose to listen to Luna's comments while wiggling on Harry's lap.
“You just gave us a rather detailed description on how the potency of a gladiator's sweat is measured,” Luna began. “Did I hear correctly that Harry being a virgin is twice as important as the fact that he's one of the most powerful wizards in the world?”
Poppy thought for a moment, then agreed. “Ten extra points extra for his virginity, but only five points for him being so powerful a wizard and warrior.”
“And that sweat generated while he was sparring with either sword or spell would be almost as potent as the sweat generated during sex?”
“Not if he was just sparring, dearie,” the hag replied. “The potency is only boosted that high by the excitement and fear that a warrior experiences when he is fighting for his life.”
“The Muggles call it an adrenaline rush, I think,” added Poppy.
“Fair enough,” Luna said. “But even if he's sparring, that plus his virginity would be worth more than his virginity alone, right?”
The hag nodded. “Aye, but even with those extra points the most powerful virgin wizard in the world couldn't score a 44, even if the sweat was collected by a virgin while he was battling for his life. There has to be some shagging involved.”
Luna nodded, accepting this information while she was pacing with her eyes down on the floor. “I'd like to see the spell equations behind that statement,” she replied, “but I'll grant that you are probably right that fighting alone isn't enough.” She the looked up, walked behind Harry's chair, and put hands on both his and Susan's shoulders. “But what if we combined sexual excitement or acts just short of shagging with sparring and hexing?”
The Headmistress furrowed her eyebrows. “This is where the naked dueling comes in, I suppose?”
Harry felt Susan's buttocks clench and her hips thrust upwards a bit in his lap. “Oooh, I think I'm starting to like this idea,” she said with a husky voice.
Her seat cushion shook his head. “I don't think that I do. You'd have to be a sick pervert to get sexually excited while you're hexing somebody, and I don't think that my shield spells would be very effective while somebody was trying to get me off with her hand.”
“Or mouth?” Susan added, with a slight lilt of desire in her voice.
Harry looked at Susan. “Yes, or mouth, either. It might work for some a sicko like Malfoy or Bella, but I don't think we need go any further down this path if I'm involved.”
“Don't knock it until you've tried it,” the hag said with a leer, “You never know just how much of a perv you might be.”
Luna interrupted, saying “We're getting a bit ahead of ourselves, I think.” She turned to Harry. “Do you trust me enough to at least hear me out?”
“Of course.”
“Thanks, Harry,” she replied with a smile. She then turned back to the hag and Poppy. “Is the potency of a warrior's sweat affected by the strength of his spells, or how much pain or damage he inflicts on an opponent during battle?”
Poppy and the hag looked at each other, before the hag shook her head. “Yes and no. There is a very slight boost if the wizard is using more powerful spells during the fighting, but the effect is the same whether the spell scores a hit or is shielded by his opponent.”
“So if the opponent's condition doesn't affect sweat potency, why does it make a difference whether the sweaty gladiator is shagging a virgin?”
The hag scowled. “Because the gladiator is taking something away from the virgin…something magical and powerful. Why else would so many dark rituals require virgin sacrifice, or a virgin's blood?”
“You make it sound like deflowering a virgin is a Dark act,” Harry said.
“That's because it usually is,” the hag replied. “It's only a Light act when the maidenhead is offered in a truly consensual act. And given the number of arranged marriages within the wizarding world…”
“So if I deflower a witch and it’s not truly consensual...if she’s, say, only doing it as part of a business transaction...it's a Dark act? That’s ridiculous!”
McGonagall looked at Harry with a pained look on her face. “It is what it is. Why do you think I was so reluctant to go down this path? Why do you think we've been looking for other ways to save Mr. Weasley's life?”
Poppy stood and put a hand on the Headmistress's shoulder for support. “Harry, you must think of it in terms of lesser of evils. Would you say that killing a sentient being is a Dark act?”
“Sure.”
“And if you and Miss Granger were ambushed by Death Eaters, and the only way to save her life was to kill her assailant, would you do so?”
“Of course I would.”
“And would you feel bad about it afterwards, even if the Dark act of killing was the only way to defend her life?”
“Of course I would…I mean, I'm pretty certain I would.”
“I have no doubt you would,” said the Headmistress. “That is the difference between us and the Death Eaters. You would willingly shoulder the burden of taking another's life, and live with the regret that came with that Dark act, because it would be the lesser of two evils.”
Harry thought for a moment, finding it hard to believe that having sex with Hermione would be evil in anyway.
“Look on the bright side, Harry,” Luna said. “If Hermione already wanted to shag your brains out then you have nothing to worry about.”
“Yeah,” Harry replied, “like that’d be the case.” He thought for another few moments and then turned to Luna. “Well, as long as we're looking at choosing between paths painted in varying shades of gray, maybe we should flesh out the naked dueling idea.”
“I agree,” said the Headmistress. “Miss Lovegood, would you move the discussion along, please?”
Luna nodded. “Harry,” she asked, “I know you wouldn't get off on inflicting pain on others, but is it possible that you might get aroused if your partner is getting off on the pain that you are inflicting on them?”
Harry took a minute to work through the semantics. “Just what kind of hex are we talking about here?”
The fact that Susan started to squirm and clench on his lap during this process suggested that she had figured it out before he did. He was therefore not really surprised when she responded.
“The spanking spell?” she asked expectantly. When Luna smiled and nodded, Susan squirmed even more. The busty blonde then asked, “Headmistress, may I ask another hypothetical question?”
McGonagall furrowed her eyebrows for a moment, then dropped her head down onto her hands and told her to proceed.
“Let's say…hypothetically of course…that a virgin female gets off on spanking.”
“What?”
“Erm…this hypothetical girl, what if she knows from previous experience that, well…that the quickest way to a mind-blowing orgasm is for her to play with herself while somebody slaps her arse until it turns bright red?”
Harry choked out a cough while the Headmistress admonished, “Miss Bones, such language!”
“Sorry Headmistress, but we are pressed for time…should I take the time to think of more delicate phrasing?”
The Headmistress sighed deeply, and then caved. “Oh go ahead, Miss Bones…just try to be a little less colorful, please.”
Susan smiled brightly. “Thank you, Headmistress.” She turned to face Harry. “Does the thought of that, or the thought of witnessing that, excite you, Harry?”
Harry looked at Susan sternly, and said through slightly clenched teeth. “I'm quite certain that you can feel the answer to that question, Susan.”
The squirmy witch smiled, then replied (rather cattily), “Well of course, silly boy, but I thought a verbal response would be more appropriate than showing the others the rather pointed non-verbal response that you're giving me.”
“Oh, well, thanks…I guess,” said Harry, with no small amount of embarrassment.
“So, this hypothetical girl,” Susan continued, “she wants to enjoy that kind of painful bliss again, but the roommate that helped her the first time doesn't want to be caught, erm…red handed…by their other roommates.”
Luna interrupted Susan, saying, “So this hypothetical girl explains her problem to a hypothetical sixth-year Ravenclaw friend, and they go to the library and research a way to dampen down the force of a stinging hex and localize its effect to a small area of skin, right?”
“Now Luna,” admonished Susan, with a smile, “this is my hypothetical story. If you want to talk about how this hypothetical Ravenclaw tested the modified stinging hex on her friend's bum to great satisfaction, and how they renamed it `spell-spanking', and how the Ravenclaw girl is fond of secretly spell-spanking her friend at odd and embarrassing times and places…well, you'll just have to wait your turn.”
“Fine,” said Luna, “so I imagine you'll end your hypothetical story by saying how the spank-spanked witch gets off on getting secretly whacked to the point of messy gushy orgasms while she's in public places like the library or Great Hall, right?”
Susan sighed a very happy sigh, and simply said, “Oh Sweet Merlin yes.”
Luna smiled, and said, “I thought so.”
There was a moment of silence in the Headmistress's office, as all of its occupants took a few moments to catch their breath.
“Yes, well,” the Headmistress finally said, “I'm glad that this is only a hypothetical. So your point, Miss Bones?”
“Well,” she said coyly, “I was wondering if a hypothetical Harry might get some sort of hormonal response if he were taught this hypothetical hex and used it to spell-spank me silly?”
“Spell-spank you, or a hypothetical student?” Poppy asked, with a partial smile on her face.
“Either.”
Susan turned to Harry then smiled. “Never mind, I think I know the answer, and let me say, there's nothing hypothetical with how the response is being phrased.”
Harry looked down, his face completely crimson by this point, and asked, “And just how potent would my sweat be if it was collected by one virgin female while I was sexually aroused by spell-spanking a second?”
“Good question,” said the Headmistress. “And one whose answer could be calculated, correct?” She then looked at Luna and Poppy, who both nodded.
“There wouldn't be enough time for them to complete the calculations,” the hag said.
“Then you could help them, I imagine,” said Harry.
The hag paused, then asked, “What's in it for me if I do help?”
Harry shook his head, then asked dismissively, “Does this whole sweat collection business work on any wizard?”
“Sure,” the hag replied, “but the sweat would be worthless. Has to come from a strong warrior-wizard to have value in a potion.”
“And what's the criteria for separating out the wizard-wheat from wizard-chaff?”
The hag didn't want to answer, so Poppy did it for her. “The wizard has to be strong enough to at least cast a corporeal Patronus.”
“Really?” asked Harry. “Isn't that interesting?” He returned his gaze to the hag. “Tell me hag, just how many of the wizards in Knockturn Alley are strong enough and smart enough and have enough happy thoughts stored to cast a corporeal Patronus?”
“Only a very few,” the hag replied quietly.
“And how many of these few are virgins?”
The hag snorted. “None, I imagine…shagging is how they get the happy thoughts in the first place…but I dare say that goes for any wizard that can cast the spell, regardless if they are a Light or Dark wizard.”
“Yes, I imagine you are right,” said Harry with a smile. Sensing that standing would no longer embarrass him, he scooted a reluctant Susan off of his lap and stood. “So do you think I'm unique?”
“Almost certainly.”
“What if I told you that I know of at least two other male students in this school that can cast a corporeal Patronus?”
The hag gasped. “And they are virgins?”
“I'm pretty sure they are, at least in the strictest sense of the world.”
“Then I'd say that you are sitting on a gold mine of sweaty teen-aged boys.”
“Yes, I'd say so too,” said Harry. “Quite an economic opportunity for someone of your…vocation. It's too bad, then, that one of these other two wizards will die unless you provide him with an antidote.”
“You mean that boy in the infirmary can cast a corporeal Patronus?”
Harry nodded. “Quite a friendly little terrier…not that you'd ever see it if he dies.”
The hag looked at Harry shrewdly. “What are you proposing, boy?”
Harry reached over and grabbed the contract that was sitting on the Headmistress's desk and ripped it in half. “A business partnership, of sorts. You give us the antidote to cure my friend right now, then help work out the math on this spanking option. I'm sure that when Hermione arrives that she can help as well. Tell me…how long will it take for Ron to recover once the potion is administered?”
“Only four or five days, I believe,” said Poppy.
“Great,” said Harry. “If it turns out that we can create a 40+ sweat sample without any shagging going on, we will provide you with five vials of that 40+ sweat within the next week. If, on the other hand, there really isn't any way of reaching that potency without shagging, then you will be provided two vials of triple pure sweat within the next week.”
“Triple pure?” Susan asked.
“Sweat collected by a virgin while a virgin wizard-warrior is shagging another virgin.”
“But you can only lose your virginity once,” noted Susan.
“Yes, and so can Ron.”
The hag scowled a bit. “And you can guarantee that this other boy would be willing to donate his sweat under those conditions?”
“Harry can't guarantee that,” Luna replied rather spiritedly, “but I am pretty certain that I can.”
Harry turned to the blonde witch and said, “Thank you, Luna.” He then turned to McGonagall and asked, “Headmistress?”
McGonagall took a deep breath, closed her eyes for two seconds, then nodded. “The most important thing is for Mr. Weasley to be given the antidote as soon as possible. It's a deal with the devil, but with terms that I doubt that Mr. Weasley would mind meeting if need be.”
Harry turned to the hag, who was busy working out the angles. “And the third wizard?”
Harry snorted. “Is not part of current negotiations. It's either one in the hand or two in the bush.”
“So to speak,” added Susan.
“But you leave open the possibility of a longer-term arrangement?”
Harry nodded.
The hag moved her head to and fro for a few moments, then reached into her bag and pulled out the vial of antidote. She tossed it to Harry, and then said, “It's a deal.”
Harry let out a deep sigh then handed the antidote over to Madame Pomfrey, who bounded out the door towards the infirmary.
The hag wrinkled her warty nose at the thought of handing out the antidote without something firmly in hand. “You should have been sorted Slytherin,” she told Harry.
Headmistress McGonagall straightened up and said proudly, “I'm certain that the Sorting Hat knew what it was doing when it placed Mr. Potter in my house.”
“Hem, hem…” came a voice from the corner of the Headmistress's Office.
Everyone turned in surprise to see the well-patched wizard's hat moving about on its perch.
“Perhaps I would have done so,” the Sorting Hat noted dryly, “had I been placed on his other head.”