The Sweat of a Gladiator
Chapter 5 Montenegro
By canoncansodoff
Not my characters, no money being made, etc., etc.
In the sweet and sweaty afterglow of a glorious almost-shag, Harry Potter gathered his thoughts and reached for his glasses. Because serious thinking and talking should be expected when you do these sorts of things with your best friend, and because he'd always found it hard to fully focus his thoughts when his eyes could not focus.
But the glasses were just out of reach on the nightstand, and his wand was…Merlin knows were his wand was. Probably with his trousers somewhere along the trail of clothing that led from the tent door to Hermione's bedroom. Of course, he could have just simply rolled over closer to the edge of the bed, but that would have disturbed Hermione's rest, and he didn't want to do that (particularly as she'd dozed off with her naked body draped perpendicularly over his). A wandless Accio solved the problem, and he was rewarded with a lovely view of Hermione's back, which was framed by a mass of brown curly hair at the top and a tan line at the bottom.
He considered the small triangle of pale white skin that sat just below that tan line and smiled. That triangle outlined the full backside extent of the thong bikini that she'd worn that past summer. It was the garment that had ended once-and-for-all her quasi-relationship with Ron, and inspired the first of those Hermione-filled wet dreams that Harry had sworn an oath over.
Looking back at how that small piece of fabric had accomplished these two feats, Harry concluded that it was all Ron's fault. Well, mostly, at least.
The three had spent two weeks scouring northern Albania for Voldemort's old haunting grounds, just after Bill and Fleur's wedding. They'd initially camped out, as the tourist accommodations in the area were rather medieval. But after two nights of driving rain and Hermione's campfire cuisine, Ron was ready to bail. So they'd moved their base of operations just over the border, to a Montenegrin resort along the Adriatic coast. It was by no means luxurious, but it had a pretty beach and a serviceable restaurant. Then, in self-indulgent surrender to the sun and sand, they decided to make it a working holiday, and planned to spend mornings at the beach before apparating across the border to explore the inhospitable Albanian terrain.
As they hadn't packed swimming costumes, they had improvised and transfigured their own. Ron went apoplectic when Hermione had modeled her handiwork. The bottom part of her costume was a dark green thong, and the top part was…well, it was non-existent. At least in concept - she had worn a t-shirt during the show, but stated her intentions to “do as the Romans do” (as the majority of resort guests were Muggle Italians) and sunbathe topless once they hit the beach.
Ron thought the costume indecent, and said as much. This, of course, only strengthened Hermione's resolve, particularly when he asked her what she thought his mum would think. When Ron put his foot down and refused to go out with her dressed that way, Hermione looked at him resolutely, threw a wrap around her hips, and grabbed Harry's hand.
That action prompted the mother-of-all-rows that night…the one that forced Ron and Hermione to recognize and accept their irreconcilable differences. Though they both pledged to work together to support Harry and remain friends, they abandoned all hope of ever being more than that for each other.
Harry felt guilty about the whole thing. He was quite certain that Ron wasn't upset with Hermione's costume per se; what bothered him more was the idea that she would be wearing it in front of Harry. Not just that first time in the hotel room, but afterwards, on the beach...and without the t-shirt.
Harry had dealt with Ron's jealousy before, but the problem this time was that it was fully justified. He had beaten down his arousal during Hermione's fashion show, utilizing thoughts of Neville's dirty socks and fears that his hard-on would betray his betrayal of Ron. But then Hermione's outstretched hand forced him to choose between the two, and he had taken it and left Ron behind.
And then he saw her behind, and more.
Harry's efforts to conceal his lustful feelings once they'd reached the beach all failed miserably. When she flipped off her t-shirt, he suggested that they couldn't risk sunburn on newly exposed skin. For her response Hermione smiled and grabbed a bottle of Muggle sunscreen from her bag. After forcing Harry to watch her rub lotion on her breasts, she laid face down on her towel and asked him to take care of her back. Then she decided she couldn't risk missing a spot on her legs and thighs, so she asked him do those parts as well. And of course that meant that she had to spread her legs a bit for him to have access to her inner thighs. That gave Harry a clear view of a few strands of dark curly hair as they peeked out from the sides of the thin strip of fabric.
It also gave him a raging hard-on.
Harry was worried, but not overly so, as Hermione's face was down on the towel and her eyes pointing away from his trunks. But then she flipped over to thank him and say that it was his turn. Harry dove for the concealment of his own beach towel on pretext of giving her access to his back. He fancied the idea that with his face down and eyes shut that he'd calm down a bit, but then Hermione straddled his back and settled her barely-covered bum on top of his own. Unfortunately, this trapped his erection in a terribly painful position. Perhaps noticing his discomfort, Hermione lifted herself up off of him and playfully asked Harry if he needed to “readjust.” Placing the welfare of his bloodline above his own embarrassment, Harry reached down to do just that.
He thought it safe to luxuriate in the feeling of Hermione's oiled hands as they rubbed down his tense shoulders, so long as his boner was buried in the sand. He used the time to think up a new excuse to get her to cover up, saying he felt bad that she was far more exposed than he was. Unfortunately Hermione had an impish solution to that problem that differed from his; once glances up and down the beach convinced her that some magic could be safely cast, she transfigured Harry's relatively modest trunks into the smallest of Speedos. When she told him to roll over so that she could “do” his front he refused. She knew, of course, why, and humored him with the statement that it was a natural reaction that would go away once Harry got used to the situation. But then she moved her towel right next to his, so close that when she laid down the sides of her arm and leg touched his.
It took a good half-hour for Harry to calm down enough for him to join Hermione for a splash about in the waves. But then a large wave knocked them both over and she ended up on top of him and they rolled about a bit before getting back up in time for the next wave. Harry took refuge in waist-deep water that concealed his arousal, but that cover was blown every time their bodies came together in a crashing wave. Which was quite often, actually…he accidentally on-purpose splashed and dunked and hugged her in a game that would have been quite innocent, had they each been seven rather than seventeen.
That first day established the pattern for their mini-holiday. Ron never mentioned Hermione's beach attire again, and chose to avoid the subject by completely avoiding the beach. For the balance of the vacation the three ate breakfast at ten. While Ron slept in until 9:45 each morning, Harry and Hermione were out of the room by six. They wore shorts and t-shirts during an hour-long barefoot run along the beach, and then stripped down to thong and speedo for suncreen rubdowns. Frolicking in the surf and layabouts on the sand occupied their time until about nine o'clock, when they would share a rinse-off under a beach shower.
They had never talked about the beach attire (or lack thereof) during those two weeks in August, or of any feelings they had developed for each other. Harry had struggled with the “don't want to lose my best friend if she doesn't feel the same way” beast in the intervening months. He definitely had not wanted to pursue her so soon after she and Ron had split (out of respect for his best mate), but that excuse evaporated just as soon as Ron started spending time with Luna during their occasional trips to Hogwarts.
Ron and Luna…now there was some irony for you. He broke up with Hermione over that green thong, only to fall into the arms of a girl who accidentally broke her hymen with a vibrator? Well, at least he now seemed happy.
Harry had seriously considered confessing his feelings to Hermione for a couple of weeks, but never found what he thought was an opportune time. He therefore said a silent prayer to whatever Fates had created the fantastically implausible situation that they'd faced that morning. Now that he knew for sure that his feelings for Hermione were mutual, he was damn sure that he wasn't going to muck things up.
In a move that signaled he might actually be looking forward to talking things through with Hermione, Harry reached down, tangled his fingers in her hair, and began to lightly knead her scalp. After a few minutes time, Hermione was forced to acknowledge that she was awake when she let out a purr and pulled her knees up towards her chest.
“Oooh, Harry,” she cooed. “Did anyone ever tell you that you had magic fingers?”
“I've heard it once or twice.”
Such was the extent of their conversation for another few minutes. Harry added his other fingers to Hermione's scalp rub, while she began to gently play with his now-soft penis and undertake her own musing.
Hermione had always been very good at finding ways to motivate Harry Potter. Favorable comparison with Ronald Weasley's typically lackluster efforts was one of her favorite methods, whether it involved completing assignments or studying for exams. Unfortunately, this technique didn't seem very attractive now that Harry had completed such a brilliant start to a new course of study. For example, Hermione couldn't hear herself saying, “Oh, well done, Harry…you suck my nipples so much better than Ron ever did.”
Well, actually, she could hear herself say it, and the thought was quite amusing. So amusing, in fact, that she couldn't help but let out a snort.
“Hey,” Harry asked softly, “what's so funny?”
She flipped over, stopping mid-way to kiss the narrow strip of hair that stretched down from his navel. As she turned to face him, Harry scooted up onto his elbows. As a result, Hermione's cheek ended up resting on top of Mr. Phoenix. Neither one seemed to mind.
“Comfortable, Hermione?”
“Hmmm….yes, very.”
“So really,” Harry asked, “what was so funny down there?”
“Nothing bad,” Hermione said a bit more adamantly, “I was just trying to think how to reward you for being such an attentive student.”
Harry smiled. “I thought that you just did…though I must say, I was far from perfect.”
“Hush now,” Hermione replied. “You have a very talented tongue, and considering it was the first time…erm, sorry, it was the first time, wasn't it?”
“Hermione,” Harry asked with a raised eyebrow, “I know you like to know everything about anything that interests you, but do you really want to talk about what Ginny and I did when we were together?”
She crinkled up her nose. “No thank you…no more than you probably want to talk about me and Ron.”
“Madame, you are most certainly correct,” he replied with mockingly crisp formality. “But just so you know,” he added, “today has been full of firsts for me.”
“First time for what, Harry?” Hermione teased. “You mean you've never had a girl wank you in her mum's office before?”
“Hermione,” he gently chided.
“Okay, okay.”
Hermione propped herself up and swung a knee over Harry's chest. Harry responded by trying to lean up and catch one of her hanging breasts with his teeth. But as he did, she tried to lean down and give him a passionate kiss. Both missed, and Harry caught her chin on his forehead.
“Ouch!”
“Oooph!”
Hermione leaned back on her haunches and straightened her back. “Sorry about that.”
“S'okay.”
Hermione then moved her hands to his chest and scooted back just enough for her bum to graze Mr. Phoenix, and for her still swollen labia to graze his pubes. “Guess we have some work to do on our choreography.”
“Yeah, guess so,” Harry replied nervously. “Erm, Hermione?”
“Yes, Harry?”
“We've still got our haloes, right?”
“I would think so….why?”
“Because your bum is playing with fire right now.”
Hermione twisted her head around for a look over her shoulder. “Four times in three hours?” She wiggled back and forth. “Well, he is a phoenix, I guess.”
“Yes, he is, and your roost is a rather tempting perch.”
Hermione let out a giggle before covering her mouth. “Roost,” she said, “I like that.”
“Did you just giggle?”
“No, I most certainly did not.”
“Did to.”
“Did not.”
“Hermione Jane Granger just giggled!”
“She did not.”
“Roost!”
A pained look spread across Hermione's face as she tried to suppress an outburst. She failed miserably, and a long string of giggles escaped from her lips as fire dazzled in her eyes.
“Giggler!”
Hermione broke out into uncontrollable laughter at the accusation. Embarrassed by her reaction, she dove back down on top of Harry and buried her face in her chest, then cuddled up against his left side with a hand up to shield her face from his. He smiled and wrapped his arm around her. After a few seconds time, Hermione calmed down enough to place her shielding hand down onto his chest. A moment later she let out a sigh.
“Merlin help me, Harry, you're turning me into a giggling school girl.”
“Well you are, aren't you?”
“Oh, well…technically, I guess, but you know what I mean.”
“What, that you are acting contrary to stereotype?”
“Uh huh.”
Harry kissed the top of her head. “I really don't mind,” he replied, “and your secret is safe with me.”
“Thanks.” Hermione then let out a sigh of contentment and noted, “This is quite comfortable.”
“Yes,” Harry replied tenderly, “it is.”
“A perfect fit,” Hermione added.
“Just like a phoenix on his roost.”
“Harry, stop it!”
“Okay, okay” he said. “Shouldn't be surprised, I guess.”
“What?”
“That we fit so perfectly.”
“And why is that?”
Harry was about to say something about how she completed him, but was afraid that it would be too much mush too soon. So he tried to change the subject.
“Merlin, what an idiot I've been,” he admitted.
“Why an idiot?”
“Because I've dreamed of doing this ever since Montenegro, and I think you have as well.”
“I think you're right.”
“What…that I'm an idiot, or that you teased me with that topless thong thingie because you fancied me?”
Hermione smiled. “Both.”
Harry chuckled, and then asked, “Think that I have time for a nap now?”
“Hmmm…I still don't know all of the details about that deal that you made.”
“Guess you weren't paying attention while we were inside the pensieve, huh?”
“Guess not.”
“So….want to see it again?”
“You mean you and me dive back into pensieve-land?”
“Yeah.”
Hermione slid her hand down Harry's chest and lightly grasped his semi-erect shaft. “I doubt my attention would be any more focused a second time.”
“Hmmm…imagine you're right.” Harry looked at the wall clock and wandlessly Accio'd the blanket that they had ripped off the bed.
“Give him a rest, will you?” he asked, as he spread the blanket over them.
“Do we have anything else scheduled for today?”
“Hmmm…got a meeting back at Hogwarts at seven-thirty…plenty of time.”
“True, but I promised my parents that we'd let them know what happened.”
“Oh, great,” Harry whined.
“It'll be fine,” Hermione said. “Daddy will be happy we didn't have to shag.”
“True,” Harry said, “but we might still have to, you know, in a week's time.”
“Hmmm…” Hermione replied. “Guess that will give us some time to work on your control.”
“Any specific ideas in mind, Miss Granger?”
Hermione smiled, thinking about the “squeeze and release” technique that she'd read about on-line. Harry was going to love that, for sure.
She gave Mr. Phoenix a loving squeeze, then asked, “Practice, practice, practice?”
Harry smiled and once again kissed the top of Hermione's head.
“Sounds like a plan to me.”
oo00OO00oo
They rested for a little over an hour, then shared a shower and a plate of cheese and crackers. Hermione surprised Harry with the suggestion that they go back to bed and nibble on the Stilton while they were still starkers. She reasoned that if they were eventually going to be shagging in Luna and Susan's presence that they best be comfortable in their own skin in places other than the beach.
As they lay facing each other, Harry asked if she was rationalizing again, and tempting Mr. Phoenix not because she had to, but because she wanted to. She replied by lightly teasing one of her nipples with the cheese knife's forked tip, and asking if he would rather dress and move to the dining room. The phrase “Only if I could eat you again, instead of this bloody cheese” immediately lept to mind, but Harry paused, wondering if the line was too, well...“cheesy.”
He said it anyway, and the risk was rewarded with an endearing giggle.
Once they'd finished eating crackers in bed, Hermione pushed him off with orders to retrieve the pensieve that they'd left outside the tent.
“You want it projected, right?” he asked.
Hermione nodded. “Don't think I could trust myself in a place where we could enjoy some guilt-free sex.”
“You make it sound like a bad thing.”
“Only because I actually have to pay attention to the memory.”
“So you wouldn't mind going back in with me some time?”
Hermione smiled and gave him a reassuring squeeze on his knee. “I'm looking forward to it. But before we do we really need to make sure that what we do there won't tarnish your halo.”
Harry's eyes lit up. “You mean…”
“Yes, Harry, I want to shag you senseless in the very near future, and if we can do it within the pensieve without risking pregnancy or loss of virginity…so much the better, right?”
Harry smiled and once again thanked those Fates. “Better make sure I choose a long enough memory this time,” he reasoned.
“Please do,” Hermione replied with a smile. “And maybe pick one that won't annoy me so much?”
“Right,” said Harry. “No flying, and no Susan…more of a romantic background then?”
Hermione nodded. “Just don't think it has to be fluffy, though. I mean, the lakeshore, or the Astronomy tower, or even your bed would be so…cliche. A bit of naughtiness wouldn't be half-bad.”
Harry snickered. “Let me guess, an hour-long memory of the two of us studying right next to the library's Restricted Section?”
Hermione's eyes lit up. “So that we could do it standing up, with me bent over and you behind while we were in between the stacks….”
“Sure you don't want to dive?” Harry asked, as he pointed to his temple. “I've already got that memory cued up for you.”
She looked at him and pouted. “Yes I'm sure, you prat. Now go and get that pensieve.”
Harry was still a little embarrassed at the thought of walking starkers about the tower, but aside from Ron, the only other people that could bypass the wards and pop in on them unannounced were Remus and Tonks, and he knew for certain that their on-duty shifts at Hogwarts didn't end until six.
Which is why he was caught completely off-guard when, just after walking out of the tent and into the tower proper, Tonks and Remus suddenly appeared with drawn wands and two small pops.
His first reaction was to cover himself. Unfortunately the closest thing at hand was the pensieve, and in his haste to cover himself up he brought the two-stone object to his crotch far faster than he should have. The pain from whacking himself in the balls forced him to drop the pensieve, which then landed square on his foot. And so Harry found himself greeting his unexpected guests naked, bent over in pain, and hopping on one foot.
“Oh look, Remus,” Tonks observed dryly,. “Harry's got a happy dance too.” She then added, “Careful, there, Harry…wouldn't want to clip Mr. Phoenix's wings, would we?”
Other than expressing his relief that he hadn't left his memory in the spilt bowl, Harry didn't know where to start. Should he scream out in pain, scream at Hermione for disclosing his penis's new nickname, or ask Tonks and Remus what in Merlin's name they were doing there? He quickly transfigured the small table into a wooden shield to cover himself, then chose option three.
“Aren't you two supposed to be on duty at the castle?” Harry asked through clenched teeth.
“We are,” Remus replied with a smile. “But you and Hermione left the grounds without telling anyone where you were going.”
“Thought we had passes.”
“You do, but Dobby said that Hermione seemed quite upset back at Hogwarts, and you promised Poppy that you'd check back within the hour, and you didn't.”
Harry winced again as he acknowledged that point. He then called back inside the tent. “Hermione, Tonks is here, would you please bring out my dressing gown?”
Hermione shouted back, “If it's just Tonks, no. You need to get used to your skin, and Tonks might need to be there during sweat collection.” As if she intended to lead by example, Hermione then casually threw open the tent flap and walked out in the buff. As soon as she saw Remus she let out a loud “Eeep!” and dove back inside.
“Why didn't you tell me Remus was here too?” she called out.
“Why does it matter?” Harry replied. “You said we both needed the practice, and he's as much of a virgin as Tonks is.”
“Hey,” Remus kiddingly chided, “I resemble that remark.”
Hermione quickly returned wearing a gown, and carrying one for Harry. She draped it over his shoulders, allowing him to drop the shield (once he turned his back to Tonks) and tie it shut with its sash.
“Oy, Harry, what's with all the modesty?” Tonks asked. “It's not like I haven't already seen your stapler.”
Harry's mouth opened in shock.
”Hermione, just what were you two talking about at the chemist's?” he asked.
“Oh, nothing…and everything…you know, girl talk.”
“So when did you start doing `girl talk,' Hermione?”
“About the same time you noticed that I was a girl,” she replied, before placing a light kiss on his lips. Hermione then cast healing charms on his foot and crotch, the latter eliciting snickers from Tonks.
“What'cha doing there...casting a reduction spell so that it fits better?”
Hermione responded by sticking out her tongue as Harry offered his thanks.
“So either of you care to share some news?” Remus asked, reading into the banter.
“Or are you two too busy sharing with each other,” added Tonks.
“As a matter of fact,” Hermione replied primly, “Harry was about to show me his memory of the deal he made with the hag…play nice and we might let you watch as well.”
“Didn't realize that pensieve viewing required one to shed their robes,” said Remus.
“Probably depends on the memory they were watching,” quipped Tonks.
“Oh, you two are such the comedians,” said Hermione. “Here's some advice…don't quit your day jobs.”
Tonks and Remus held up their hands in mock surrender, then followed Harry as he picked up the pensieve and walked back inside the tent. As he had no intention of diving into the memory with Tonks and Remus, Harry placed it on the low table in front of the main room's sofa. Remus's eyes went wide as he took in the trail of clothing that led to the bedroom, but said nothing.
“See something interesting, Remus?” Hermione asked, as she brought four cold butterbeers in from the kitchen.
“Erm…no, nothing at all,” he replied after a nervous glance at Tonks.
Hermione chuckled. “Tonks threatened to cut you off if you said anything too racy, didn't she?”
“Right in one,” he admitted.
Tonks and Remus made no effort to conceal their affection for each other as they plopped down on the sofa. If Tonks and Remus were surprised at the ease with which Harry and Hermione adopted the same positions on a facing love seat, they kept that to themselves.
They viewed the memory twice, with Hermione taking notes with quill and parchment the second time around. Remus looked rather uncomfortable during both viewings of Susan's descriptive hypothetical, prompting Tonks to whisper a few naughty suggestions into his ear. Harry had his own control issues to worry about, but that was more due to the way Hermione's gown opened when she hunched over to write than from anything that Susan said.
Hermione's writing took her a bit beyond the projection's end. They then asked Harry some clarifying questions to gain a better understanding of what he did, what he wanted to do, and who he wanted to do. The four of them spent a few minutes discussing the viability of a “Co-Ed Naked Dueling Club” (TM), and the challenges of adding a few more variables to the arithmetic equations that determined sweat potency. Hermione and Remus seemed excited at the prospect of working through the formulas. Harry, who thought that arithmancy ought to satisfy a foreign language requirement, was decidedly less so, and suggested that with access to the stone disk they could simply collect sweat under a variety of different conditions and calibrate on the fly until they found a combination that worked. Hermione thought that Harry was just trying to justify spell-spanking Susan in the name of scientific inquiry, but was forced to admit that Harry's practical approach would do well in confirming their theoretical explorations.
Tonks loved the concept of a Co-Ed Naked Dueling Club (TM), reckoning that it would do more to combat the threat of Dementor attack than anything the Ministry could come up with. Everyone got the joke - with the price of a male student's admission to the club being the successful production of a corporeal Patronus, that spell would be practiced like none other within the upper grades.
Harry expressed his concern for the obvious. It was fun to dream and joke about it, but the Headmistress and Board of Governors would frown upon any student organization involving naked teenagers. But then Tonks said that it would be one effective way of promoting chastity before marriage (if only in the technical sense). Remus started to think out loud about the potential value of the sweat collected by the club (if not the galleons, then the potential trading value on the wizarding black market). And then, to top it all off, Hermione dropped a bombshell.
“You know,” she said, “there already is precedent for something quite similar at Hogwarts.”
Harry and Tonks looked at Hermione with shock. Remus looked at her with a bit more bemusement, and he asked, “N.E.W.T. level Ancient Runes?”
Hermione smiled and nodded her head.
“What does naked have to do with Ancient Runes?” Harry asked.
“Some of the N.E.W.T. level rituals require naked dancing and chanting around the pentagrams,” Hermione said matter-of-factly.
“And this happens in Hogwarts? During Sixth Year?”
Hermione shrugged her shoulders. “Yes, and yes.”
“And this involves both male and female students?” Harry asked, with anxiety levels rising.
“Sometimes,” Hermione replied. “The more interesting rune inscriptions only require naked virgin females, but they also teach us some minor ones that can use either males or females. I think that's only to put the males and females on equal anxiety footings.”
“And you took part in this last year?”
“Of course, Harry,” Hermione replied. “Everyone in the class participated.”
Harry's mind raced as he desperately tried to remember which male students were taking Ancient Runes. He started listed them out loud. “So Terry Boot, Ernie McMillan, Draco Malfoy….they've all seen you naked?”
“Erm, sure,” Hermione replied. “Don't forget Blaise, too. But not just me…Padma, Susan, Katie Bell, Alicia Spinnet, Cho…”
“Wait a minute…there were seventh year girls there too?”
Hermione nodded. “We had a combined class to make sure we had enough virgins to complete the rituals.”
Tonks snorted. “So that was a problem, huh?”
Hermione chuckled, then said, “Yes.”
Harry shook his head, not knowing whether to laugh or explode. “So why is it that I never knew about this?”
“Because you weren't in the class, Harry,” Hermione replied. “And you never seemed to be that interested in Runes.”
“My loss, apparently.”
Tonks squinted a bit at Remus. “And I imagine things were no different when you were at Hogwarts?”
Remus nodded.
“Then why didn't you ever tell me?” Tonks asked.
“Well, erm….” Lupin stammered. He seemed to be at a loss for words.
“Don't be mad,” Hermione interjected. “He didn't tell you because he couldn't.”
“What do you mean?”
“Some sort of `pain of death' promise not to reveal?” Harry asked.
“Oh, no, nothing so bad as that,” Hermione replied. “The male students have to submit themselves to a modified obliviate spell. That way, they know how the runes are inscribed without having any memories of what their naked classmates looked liked.”
“Or that they even participated, apparently,” Remus added.
Harry turned to Remus. “You told me that my mum took Runes with you right?”
“Yes.”
“Then you've seen her naked before?”
“Erm….I guess so.”
Tonks asked Hermione, “So why is it that you remember all this?
“They don't make the female students accept the oblivate.”
“Why's that?”
Harry chuckled. “Probably for the same reason that the guys can't get up the Gryff girl dormitory stairs, but they can get up ours.” He then turned to Hermione. “So they can't remember what you look like starkers, but you know what they pack under their robes?”
Hermione nodded.
“So Malfoy, Blaise, Ernie, Terry ….you've seen them all?”
Hermione nodded. “It's no big deal, really.” She then looked off to the side, as if remembering something, then added with a giggle, “Particularly Malfoy's.”
Harry shook his head. “I guess we should focus on the fact that this sort of thing exists as precedent.”
Hermione nodded. “Although we'd have to work around the “no magic” rule…the boys couldn't be obliviated.”
“Would the girls have to know that?” Remus asked cheekily.
Tonks swatted his arm. “Yes,” both she and Hermione replied.
They all sat there quietly for a moment, before Remus asked Harry and Hermione, “So let's say this Co-Ed Naked Dueling Club (TM) gets approved….what's that mean for you two?”
Harry turned to look at Hermione, and she quietly returned the gaze. After a few moments of indecision on who would reply, Harry said, “Good question…the whole point of the club would be to collect sweat potent enough to make the hag happy without anybody shagging. But if it means that I'd have to spell-spank someone to do it…”
Hermione interjected. “Harry and I obviously have some homework to do. Unlike Susan Bones, I really doubt that I'd be sexually excited by corporal punishment, but we won't know until we try.”
Harry turned to her with a full blush and a priceless look. “Really?”
To Tonks and Remus's chagrin, Hermione shrugged her shoulders again and simply said, “Yes.” She then added, “Of course, the fact that I might not get off on it…”
“Or that I might not get off administering it to you,” Harry added.
Hermione nodded agreement. “That doesn't mean that Harry couldn't spell-spank someone else. Merlin knows Susan seems eager enough.”
Harry started to object, but Hermione cut him off. “No…I'm serious. We've got a debt to repay for Ron's life, and I'm just as ready now to do whatever it takes than I was this morning.”
Harry bit his lip rather than give her the reply on the tip of his tongue. He then changed tack. “I guess that we do have some homework then.
Hermione turned to Tonks and Lupin. “You two have any suggestions for us?”
“About what?”
“About how Harry and I can figure out if we'd enjoy some light S&M.”
Remus choked on something, while Tonks asked “And just why would you think that we'd be in a position to give you advice on that topic?”
Hermione smiled and shook her head. “Tsk, tsk, Tonks…don't tell me that Little Red Riding Hood's never played spanky-spanky with her Big Bad Wolf.”
Remus turned a bit red and then turned towards Tonks. “And just what have you been telling Hermione?”
Harry commiserated. “More of that `Girl Talk,' apparently.”
When it looked like she wasn't going to get anything out of Tonks, Hermione turned to Harry and said, “Harry, you had something that you needed to talk about with Remus outside of the tent, right?”
Harry gave her a puzzled look. “Not that I recall, Hermione…”
“Sure you did, Harry,” Hermione responded sweetly. “Maybe if you take Remus outside you'll remember it.”
“Huh?”
Remus smiled as he stood up. “Harry,” he said, “in situations such as these, you'll invariably find that the correct answer is `Yes, Dear'.”
“Oh.” Harry then turned to Hermione, smiled and said with a sing-song voice, “Yes, Dear.”
That earned him a punch in the arm as he got up. He followed Remus, and just before the tent flap closed behind him heard Hermione whisper, “Okay, Tonks, spill it!”
Harry and Remus walked over to a table and chairs set up on one side of the room and sat down. Remus looked at his empty bottle of butterbeer and said, “We should have grabbed a couple more of these on the way out.”
Harry snorted, and declared, “Forget that.” He then pointed his wand towards the tent and called out “Accio Stouts.” A moment later two bottles of dark brown ale sailed out from inside the tent and landed on the table. Harry then cast the bottlecap charm.
“Thanks,” Remus replied as he raised the bottle. “And cheers.”
“Cheers.”
They sat for a few seconds before Harry asked, “So Remus, you and Tonks are pretty happy together, right?”
Remus shrugged his shoulders and said, “Sure.”
“Any advice on keeping Hermione happy? Or how to tell if you’re in love?”
Remus sat for a minute and thought, before replying. “Harry, Tonks and I have really only known each other for what…three years? And semi-officially a couple since June?” He chuckled. “I think that we're still trying to find that out ourselves.”
“But you have to have some idea.”
“Well, there's no spell you can cast or potion to swallow to tell you that, Harry. Wizards and witches are pretty much in the same boat with Muggles when it comes to things like love.”
“So how do you know if you’re in love?”
“Oh,” Remus said with a smile, “I think you know that one already. But again, if I were you….well, I'd try and find a place where just the two of you could figure that out without worrying that someone will apparate in at the wrong time.”
Harry nodded, and finished off the last of his ale just as Tonks walked out from the tent and towards them.
“Come along, Wolfie,” Tonks said with a grin. “We have business elsewhere.” She then turned to Harry and morphed that grin into a leer. “And you, Professor Potter, have business inside.”
“What?”
Tonks laughed. “You have business inside, Professor….one of your students has been a very naughty girl and has shown up for her detention.”
Harry almost had her meaning wrapped around his mind, but asked for some confirmation. “So, erm…Professor Tonks, if she were your student…what sort of discipline would you suggest?”
Tonks arched her eyebrows and smiled. “Oh, I think that you know just what she needs.” She then grabbed Remus's hand and said, “And I'm thinking that I might just need the same thing, Professor Lupin.”
Lupin raised one eyebrow, then turned to Harry. “Right then…time to go…talk to you tonight.”
They then disapparated with loud bangs, as each was in a hurry to get someplace else.