lwj2 posted a comment on Thursday 20th October 2011 5:22pm for Chapter 6: Hermione Hearts Harry
The interplay between characters is great; the gnome-launcher is impressive, well thought out, sounds as if it could be made to work and the dialogue is hysterically funny.
I've always wondered why JKR didn't write it HP/HG instead of HP/GW -- Ron & Hermione are such opposites -- although HG/NL probably wouldn't be a bad matchup either.
In any event, I'm really enjoying your story and look forward to your updates. Thank you.
Starlingswings posted a comment on Wednesday 12th October 2011 12:36am for Chapter 6: Hermione Hearts Harry
Wonderful, tasteful adult banter with double entendres that seem risque but are amazingly innocent to the unknowing. You don't shirk at describing teen hormone levels, but equally make the relationship more adult. I am highly impressed with your skillful manuvering to keep things that with another author might seem raunchy filled with class. You also keep the characters' traits as close to cannon as possible; the thoughts are how they'd think. I do believe that this is, and will continue to be, one of the best stories I have ever read.
smallcatharine posted a comment on Sunday 11th September 2011 9:45am for Chapter 6: Hermione Hearts Harry
I really like this one! I thought ch5 was a bit weaker but 6 is up there again. You might want to check again for homophones again, I remember having seen a few, but forgot what exactly 'cause I did'nt jot them down.
I'm curious where you're taking this, and how Molly and Ginny are getting their just deserts. I would like to see an intersection of Fleur's risquee banter and Luna's brand of bizarrity, if it's at all possible.
brad posted a comment on Saturday 10th September 2011 6:49pm for Chapter 6: Hermione Hearts Harry
Molly's really becoming quite overbearing / impossible / unbearable in this story ... well, not really, just canon-amplified I think. Her automatically holding Harry and Hermione's funds is just that - automatic. No real malice involved. She had Harry's Gringgott's key in the series, didn't she? At some stage, and then I don't think his source of funds was ever mentioned again.
Ginny's even more obnoxious in her antagonism to Fleur, but again, that's canon!
I love the idea of the 'love letters'. That and the "I'm glad you're back" and so forth. You've got to lump in that sort of cute teenage non-physical signs of infatuation to keep this whole thing as something more engaging than simple smut.
'Tapeworm'. Heh. Good one.
I'm not sure that 'knickers' is the word used to describe a boy's unmentionables. I cringed when I saw it there for Harry. Although it *was* a girl who was talking about them.
Thanks for the review...very smart analysis. I'm trying to make "my" Molly very canon-consistent. That she is more overbearing in canon might be explained by the simple fact that she's got more screen time in this story.
I know that "knickers" wasn't gender correct, but "pants" would have confused many of my Yank readers in this instance, and I could justify it just as you suggested because it was a female that asked. I still roll my eyes when, after 20 plus years, my wife still asks me if I want her to iron my blouse.
don dba ccso
steveh11 posted a comment on Tuesday 6th September 2011 7:37am for Chapter 6: Hermione Hearts Harry
Oh, I'm *really* enjoying this. Thanks!
Feno3000 posted a comment on Saturday 3rd September 2011 8:04am for Chapter 6: Hermione Hearts Harry
Lovely new update bubbling over with ideas and sweet double entendres.
The goblin part was even rather thrilling in his careful elaborate timing.
Nice plan to enhance Fleur's speech patterns.
As to your question in the author's note... i think it's not only "common sense" that hearing and using a language in an every day setting will of course improve your grasp of said language... willingness to improve your speaking provided of course.
WhiteElfElder posted a comment on Thursday 1st September 2011 4:39pm for Chapter 6: Hermione Hearts Harry
Dang there is a lot of double entendre and outright provocitivism going on. It if was me, I would have already been yelling at Ginny and Molly for their hovering interference and probably taken the floo to Grimwauld and had Hermione, Fleur, and Bill come with me...then blocked everyone else out. This is quite fun so far, and hopefully we will get to stuff without the interference down the road.
gadriam posted a comment on Thursday 1st September 2011 12:51pm for Chapter 6: Hermione Hearts Harry
Very nice. Now, i really don't mind serious smut, but this high-tension banter and innuendo is so much fun to read.
The Goblin side story was brilliant, and gave me many ideas on how to imagine the social structure of Gringott's. Harry and Bill circumnavigating Molly is sorta interesting, now that i understand your reasoning. Yes, they are indoctrinated to her behaviour. I'm a bit curious about the juniors potion brewing. It did kind of look like something that might become important. The Goblins seems to be very keen on keeping Harry happy as well. Something to look forward to.
Thanks, and may Robert Lind in Kramfors bless your keyboard.
David Thacker posted a comment on Wednesday 31st August 2011 7:03pm for Chapter 6: Hermione Hearts Harry
I like this chapter mostly because of this line "You look very happy, Harry...Have you eaten Hermione?" I think that was the funniest thing I read ever so far.
DJ posted a comment on Wednesday 31st August 2011 5:43pm for Chapter 6: Hermione Hearts Harry
This was a fun chapter I like what you are doing with this fic.
Rexnos posted a comment on Wednesday 31st August 2011 4:34pm for Chapter 6: Hermione Hearts Harry
I liked this chapter better than the last one. The high point of the last chapter was the magic Fleur used to transfigure the pond. In this chapter, I felt it was the interaction between the goblins. I got a kick out of the idea of a cure for blood lust and a manager with a wall full of battleaxes. Gives a new meaning to the phrase the "old battleaxe".
Anyway, I'm really looking forward to Molly getting what's coming to her. She's meddling really obviously for no decent reason. It's absurd and stupid. She needs to get well and properly owned.
Charles Newton posted a comment on Wednesday 31st August 2011 3:42pm for Chapter 6: Hermione Hearts Harry
Oh, my! Poor Harry, the monster of Hermione's Hormones has truly arisen with its prey in sight, and is now toying with him... to their mutual satisfaction/frustration. Love it!!
Molly and Ginny are really irritating the last nerve i got; please say that you're coming up with a multitude of ways to suitably chastise them for their efforts?!?! Something as delicate as their own intrusions, insults, sneers and all the rest???
The Goblin scenes were outstanding; hope to see more of them and how you view them and their culture and how the world around them is. Particularly like the battle hardened head Goblin... Kinda reminds me Jethro Gibbs...
Crys posted a comment on Wednesday 31st August 2011 2:33pm for Chapter 6: Hermione Hearts Harry
That hint toward the beginning . . . Clearly a manipulative Molly (and Ginny). Wondering if it'll become a thieving Molly and Ginny as well. Hmm. Could have a lot of mileage out of that. Bill (and F&G) track how much money the four of them make then compare it to how much Molly "gives back" to Hermione. And then compare that to how much to Harry. All sorts of possibilities to be had, there.
[unrelenting, hysterical laughter over the gnome cannon]
I think that's the first time I've read a fic where anyone made any kind of effort to "fix" Fleur's accent. Novel idea. I liked the seemingly valid sounding execution. The anvil-sized subtext was just pure entertainment.
Looking forward to more.
Thanks for the review.
You know, I wasn't even going out of my way to Molly-bash in that potion profit discussion. Despite my pen name, I'm trying to replicate Molly's canon characterization. So I came up with a "what happens next?" and then let the characters react. I really can't imagine canon Molly doing things differently, especially when she had Harry's vault key in her pocket all summer and didn't see fit to tell him.
Dehvokan posted a comment on Wednesday 31st August 2011 2:12pm for Chapter 6: Hermione Hearts Harry
Very amusing. I think that this is the first story that I have read, where a goblin screws up, without them being evil, bribed, or having stolen from Harry. Interesting ideas and interactions. I particularly like the 'pickled smugroot' idea.
As for 'balancing the line', I think you have done a great job. And definitely fits with releasing bursts of hormones between Molly's smothering.
I hope that you will have Molly's attention diverted in the future onto Ron and Ginny more often, following the example of Ginny's 'test question' and the reaction.
That's an interesting idea about having Molly focus on Ron and Ginny. Most of Molly's reasons for allowing Ginny's titillating question were related to her wish to split up Bill and Fleur, but there was (at least in my mind) something more...she was embarrassed by Ron's reaction, and would have felt better (and felt it less ill-reflective on her parenting skills) if Harry had reacted the same way.
Hmmm....I really don't want to imagine Molly having a frank discussion with Ron about his reaction to Fleur. But I've been thinking about Arthur needing more screen time....could be really funny, or really, really disturbing.
Wolfric posted a comment on Wednesday 31st August 2011 12:59pm for Chapter 6: Hermione Hearts Harry
This is fun. Thanks for writing. W.